meh

I'm anxious beyond words about the future. I don't actually know how to do this without support. I need to make decisions and take action and get unstuck.

I know it means bad things if I don't get unstuck. staying here might create different bad things, of course, and as much as I don't want to face the reality of that prospect, it's time.

I should either be responding to a certain email or learning some science, but all the channels in my head are going "shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit" and not much else.